Girlfriend, sister, second mom, unpaid therapist, shopping buddy- we women are so many things to each other, and girl, do we love it. Let me begin by spreading bliss to a beautiful relationship where 'We need to talk!' gets you excited (anything but worried) because it's time to dish it out and spill that tea. While it seems like there is nothing under the sun that we cannot discuss, you and I know that's not strictly true. So here I am, listing down all the things we, as women, secretly wish other women just knew-
I Don't Have It All Figured Out
There are many days when I am almost sure I have nothing figured out. Stop asking me how I am handling everything. I falter. I make mistakes. I cry. On the outside, I know I look like a go-getter who knows what she wants. However, there are many days when I feel completely out of control. I have nothing figured out and am afraid of letting people down. Please don't look up to me as if I am the epitome of perfection- the pressure is simply too much.
What people may not tell you enough is- it's okay. It's okay if you don't have everything figured out. I remember, as a teenager, looking up to women in their 30s and wondering how they have mastered everything: career, family, social life, etc. As I inch closer to my 30s, I realize we are all just winging it- some of us more than others, hoping for the best and giving it our best.
I Need Help, But I Don't Ask for It
'No, no, I'll do it- don't worry.'
You and I hear this a lot and perhaps say it too. But often, I need help. Sometimes, a hand to hold or a warm hug can go a long way. But real help in getting things done is way more helpful, and that's exactly what women hesitate to ask- especially other women. Women support women wholeheartedly, but we rarely ask for help, even when needed.
The pressure to have it all figured out adds to us being so reluctant to say- 'help me. I cannot do this by myself.' Even though I know I don't have to do it all alone, something inside me- maybe that little voice that says this might make me appear weak- stops me from saying it. So next time we hear our friend or sister reassure us, saying they don't need help, let's offer it anyway.
It's Hard for Me to Explain How I Feel
What is with people assuming that women must have their emotions sorted out? Forget PMS; there are just too many days when I have no idea what I am feeling, why I am feeling it, and whether my feeling is right or wrong. More often than not, there is no way to articulate these feelings into words either.
Conveying thoughts and emotions can be difficult for people, especially women, with so much going on. If sometimes, I appear reluctant to offer up more than 'I'm fine', just give me some space for a while. Follow up with me afterward and reassure me that I have a safe space in you, and that's more than enough.
Sometimes, I Feel Like An Imposter
I am unsure how I navigated life to get to where I am. We feel this way when we take a second to pause and appreciate how far we have come in life. There are quite a few moments when it feels like I don't belong. Everyone else seems to know so much more and have more sorted lives, yet here I am, pretending to fit in and be an adult.
This has so much to do with the constant pressure women are subjected to based on how society perceives age and progress. With so many checkpoints in place and no guarantee you'll reach them on time, we all are bound to feel slightly out of place. So yes, sometimes I feel like an imposter hanging around, waiting to be called out and told that I don't belong.
Let's Maybe Not Go to the Washroom Together
Firstly, I get it. The instinct of herding together to go to the washroom - which can be a pretty dark, scary, dingy place (you know the ones). But I am sure many of us like our space when we head to the washroom. It is quite a private experience, and sometimes I just go there to give myself a pep talk or quickly make a call.
Maybe next time, let's just ask our girlfriends if they are comfortable with us accompanying them to the washroom. Say, 'Do you want me to come with you?' instead of 'Let's go powder our nose together,' and your friend who wants to do her business will be ever so happy for the choice.
Your Compliment Means a Lot More to Me Than His
No kidding, I simply love it when women compliment me, and I am sure you do too. Let's be free and wild with those compliments, ladies because it is so special. There is this authenticity I love when women walk up to me and tell me they love my sweater or my lipstick. Unlike generic compliments from our boyfriends or husbands who don't even notice our newly styled hair, these just feel much better.
Our Girl Talks >>>> Dates
Dates are fun; some are even great. But no single date can match the comfort level you experience when you put your feet up, take a sip of tea or whiskey, and begin with that steaming gossip session you were looking forward to all damn week. Tough time at work? Can't get your partner to make your bed right? That horrible lady from the gym who never replaces the weights? Let’s talk about every single thing in way too much detail!
After just one evening spent ranting, mumbling (and crying, if needed), I feel recharged and ready for the week. Girlfriend, sister, mom, aunt - only you make me feel like you do, and I doubt a fancy date with bottomless champagne could do your magic.
What You Think About Me Matters A Lot
I might pretend to be super chill and tell you often not to worry about what other people think about you. But here is a little (hypocritical) secret - it matters a lot to me what my girlfriends think about me. And not just me - what you think about my crush, boyfriend, husband, other friends, pets, etc., matters too. I will continue talking up my crush and showing you only his best pics - not because you might judge me - but because your views matter a lot.
Conclusion
So here we go, ladies; I have just poured my heart out to you and told you some things I wish we all intuitively understood. Speaking of women understanding other women, at BlissClub, we have a fantastic community of over 40,000 women who love to have each other's backs. Join us- let's move together and be there for each other!
